Having paid for my reservation, I discovered that the property was more vending-machine than hotel. I received an email asking me to complete a secondary identification process. In order to receive the front-door entry code, I had to reconfirm my credit card, upload two selfies, and upload pictures of my driving license. The response email informed me that the entry code was unavailable because my room was not yet ready. I would get another email with the code once it was available. That email never came. When I arrived at the property, I called the customer service number displayed next to the front door and was connected to a call center on the other side of the world. I remained on hold for 20 minutes, pacing up and down the street in front of the hotel. While waiting for the representative to get back to me, I took a dislike to the music coming through my phone. I read all the nearby graffiti. I shook my head when passersby requested my spare cash. When the representative eventually returned, he'd made no progress. He asked me to wait again, but instead I suggested there was no alternative but to cancel my reservation. He sounded relieved.